In home dog training in Tampa, Lutz, Brandon, Sarasota and surrounding areas.
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary......
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
6:00 pm - Oooh, Bath. Bummer.
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary...
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. Bastards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.................
Urgent Notice: Potential Danger of Dog Hair.....
In a press release today, the National Institute of Health has announced the discovery of a potentially dangerous substance in the hair of dogs. This substance, called "amobacter caninii" has been linked with the following symptoms in females: Reluctance to cook, clean or do housework, a reluctance to wear make-up, good clothes or high heels heels. Reluctance to spend money on home or car repairs until after 'Baby' has new collars, leashes, beds, treats, food, blankets or toys.
"Amobacter caninii" usually results in long hours away from home and exhaustion which may lead to a loss of physical contact with other humans (especially husbands and boyfriends). "Amobacter caninii" is thought to be addictive, driving the need for additional sources - this may lead to a "pack mentality" or like the potato chip commercial, "you can't have just one". Beware! If you come in contact with a female human infected by this substance, be prepared to talk about dogs for hours.
Surgeon General's Warning: Dogs are expensive, addictive, and may impair the ability to use common sense.
For people who will never have the joy in their life of knowing they are loved
unconditionally by something as close to an angel as they will ever get.
If I didn't have dogs.....................
1. I could walk around the yard barefoot in safety.
2. My house could be carpeted instead of tiled and laminated.
3. All flat surfaces, clothing, furniture, and cars would be free of dog
4. When the doorbell rings, it wouldn't sound like the ASPCA kennels.
5. When the doorbell rings, I could get to the door without wading
through dog bodies who beat me there.
6. I could sit on the couch the way I wanted, without taking into
how much space several fur bodies would need to get comfortable.
7. I would not have strange presents under my Christmas tree-like
dog bones, stuffed animals or have to answer to people why I wrap them.
8. I would not be on a first name basis with three vets.
9. The most used words in my vocabulary would not be: "out", "sit",
"down", "come", "no", "stay", and "leave him/her/it ALONE".
10. My house would not be cordoned off into zones with baby gates or
11. My pockets would not contain things like poo pick-up bags, dog treats
12. I would no longer have to spell the words B-A-L-L or >F-R-I-S-B-E-E or
13. I would not have as many leaves INSIDE my house as outside.
14. I would not look strangely at people who think having their ONE dog ties
15. I'd look forward to Spring and the melting of the snow instead of
dreading "mud season".
16. I would not have to answer the question "Why do I have so many dogs?"
Dog One Liners:
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he gets mad at you?
But when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window!
-- Steve Bluestone
Life is like a dogsled team. If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery
The other day I saw two dogs walk over to a parking meter. One of
them says to the other, "How do you like that? Pay toilets!"
I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination.
Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me.
Acquiring a dog may be the only opportunity a human ever has to
choose a relative.
--Mordecai Siegal, Contemporary Writer
If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.
Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow.
They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
-Robert A. Heinlein
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'
Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.
If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.
My goal in life is to be as good of a person as my dog already thinks I am.